EddieSnipes.com

Living just east of Crazy

Universal Laws

Written By: Eddie Snipes - Jun• 26•11

UNIVERSAL   LAWS ….

1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have Humor - universal lawsto go to the bathroom.

2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will….

10. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last.  They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance.  The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18.. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

20. Eddie’s law of probability – if your answer has only two possible answer, i.e. a 50-50 question, there is an 80% chance you’ll get it wrong.

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6 Comments

  1. Oh my goodness, this is hilarious, Eddie! Sounds like a stand-up comedy routine. Great job!

  2. Beth K. Vogt says:

    Thanks for the laughter so early in the day!
    Why not? You asked, I’ll go get the ebook! :O)
    Here’s another law for you (a takeoff on # 8):
    Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically the messier the clothes you are wearing and the less you’ve done with your hair and makeup.
    I realize this applies to women only. (I hope.)

  3. Eddie Snipes says:

    Thanks, Vonda!

    Beth, You are right. It applies to men, but not in the same way. For men, when we are really doing something stupid, that’s when we encounter someone we know and don’t want to see in our present state. Thanks for the laugh.

  4. Ralene says:

    Oh, man. I’m in tears over here from laughing so hard. Thank you for starting my morning off on the right foot!

  5. Nati says:

    I am borrowing Universal Law No 12 to market the new product that I created in my marketing class. I am giving you credit in my reference page.

    Humor sells!

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